Before Christmas we had to hand in our formative essays. (‘Formative essays’ means that even if you do well it’s not going to count because a) it doesn’t count and b) it’s first year and first year doesn’t count) I managed to put it completely out of my mind until the other day when I got an email telling me to go and pick up my essays from the common room.
I didn’t panic. Or so I thought.
That night, I had a really odd dream. I dreamt that I got 0/100 on my essay, and the instructor emailed me the next day to say I failed the whole thing because of my AS. In the dream, I didn’t actually care that much about the essay. Actually, I think I was more focused on watching Star Trek or something, because I just completely ignored the email.
Needless to say, I didn’t get 0/100. (Actually, I got a first in that essay. So I definitely didn’t fail) But it got me thinking. First, I wasn’t consciously thinking about my essay results, but obviously I had remembered it on some level otherwise I wouldn’t have had the dream. Secondly, I have absolutely no concrete idea about how well I’m doing/how they mark essays at uni.
I’d say that next time I’ll be more calm because I know I probably won’t fail, but why change a winning formula?