It was fine at first, but now it’s just getting awkward

It’s weird, how self-awareness changes so many things. well, maybe it isn’t weird if you’ve had it for a while, but I’m fairly new to the whole knowledge-of-own-identity thing, so it’s odd. Odd in a good way, usually, but also a bit odd in a bad way.

Anyway. All my flatmates now have tinder, which on it’s website describes itself as “like real life, but better”. Basically, you use tinder to find hot guys/girls/squid and then you like them, and if they like you back you’re a match and then you can find out if they’re just in it for the sex or if they want to go out or whatever. A bit like seeing someone in the street and running up to them all like “hi! Wanna go out with me?” Obviously this method does leave you open to a lot of … erm, sadness? Especially if a ‘hot guy’ turns out to be a total dick-head.

That’s not the awkward thing. The awkward thing is when they turn to me and ask ‘is this person hot?’ Yes, generally the person is a bloke, I’m not gonna lie. It’d be fairly surprising if Josh or Chi went on tinder, but hey, I wouldn’t judge them if they did.

But that’s not what’s important right now. The really important thing is that my female flatmates will occasionally turn to me and ask “what about this one?” That’s the key thing. And I’m beginning to see that when I say “oh, that person looks ok” I geenerally mean they look fairly clean and somewhat symmetrical. I don’t think those are the key features of hotness. Sometimes I even think, “that person’s eyes are pretty” but I don’t know if that’s why you’re even on tinder.

I don’t really want to make the whole of this about being aroace, but I am and in this case (haha rhyme) it happens to be relevant. And I have no idea if I should maybe mention it to them. It does seem a bit odd just to tell people so they’ll stop talking to me about tinder. I dunno, what do you think?

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6 thoughts on “It was fine at first, but now it’s just getting awkward

  1. Haha tinder, I tried that for a while but even if you say you’re a woman looking for women it still comes up with a lot of guys :l
    Luckily the only other people I knew who used it were two of my housemates (and that was ages ago anyway) so there wasn’t weird stuff like hey georgie do you think this guy is hot, because there were only girls and I can tell if I think a girl is attractive, so that made things easier
    On the rare occasion when I’m with a bunch of straight female friends from my course, it’s a bit lame when they start talking about hot guys because I don’t find any of them attractive, and could not contribute any suggestions as to what could be considered a “hot guy”. So I just shut up and twiddle my thumbs or something. None of them have asked for my opinion anyway.
    However since they’re asking for yours, I think this would be the perfect opportunity to come out if you wanted to. Like, if my female friends asked me, I’d probably come out too. Likewise if you didn’t want them to know you could… lie?

    • And a lot of women come up for my flatmates so part of it might be people getting trolled by their friends and not realising they’ve changed gender on facebook 🙂 That does sound a lot easier, haha.
      Is aesthetically pleasing the same as hot? I don’t really know. The weird thing is that they keep asking my opinion, so either I’m doing an amazing job at pretending or they’re trying to work out if I’m a lesbian. This could be perfect! Ok, now practice saying “oh and by the way I’m asexual so that guy is about as attractive as potatoes to me”. could work

      • Maybe it’s a subjective experience, but to me aesthetically pleasing is like, okay they have a nice face/hair/clothes or whatever, and hot is like, I get butterflies or a squirmy feeling or I start thinking sexual thoughts when I see them. I have occasionally experienced the latter with guys as well, but usually only if I’ve gotten to know them well on a really personal level, and it usually goes away if I try to imagine doing anything sexual with them.
        Do any of your flatmates read this blog? Because if they did then they wouldn’t even have to subtly try to work out your orientation.

      • Yeah, I’m thinking one of these days I’ll just go “hey guys, you know I have a blog right?” It’d make everything a lot easier
        hmm. I guess that’s what they’re after then, rather than “that man has a pleasingly symmetrical face”

      • *Ponders* That is an interesting question. I always kind of assumed that aesthetically pleasing == hot and nobody has thus far told me otherwise. But maybe aesthetically pleasing does not imply hotness, but hotness does imply aesthetically pleasing?
        So overall . . . I don’t know either.

      • but shouldn’t you know? Or is it just one of those things you don’t really think about because it just kind of seems obvious? I do not know
        we can be not-knowing buddies or something

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