Why Doctor Who Must Die

Hello all, and welcome back to my series of little rants about things that really piss me off. This week (today?) I’ve been inspired to talk about the ailing tv show that is Doctor Who. I’m guessing we all saw the Christmas special? If not, I wouldn’t particularly recommend it. Essentially it’s an episode where all the characters are possibly asleep and have to somehow discover which the real world is so that they can wake up and not die. Sound familiar? That’s probably because it’s the same premise as the series 5 episode ‘Amy’s Choice’, where the characters are all dreaming and have to wake up so they don’t die in the real world. I think the idea of people-asleep-but-are-they???? has been done to death on Doctor Who, and no amount of Santa will change the fact that it was pretty boring the first time. This time it’s diabolical.

When you get to the point where even the fans are bored of your recycled storylines, maybe it’s time to stop. And I get how it happens; it’s kind of like when you’re talking to a friend you don’t see very often but you text them loads of anecdotes, and when you finally meet them in person everything you talk to them about is something you’ve already said in an email at 3am. Or something. But here’s the thing: your friend isn’t paying you for the privilege of hearing your stupid anecdote about that time you bought double-cream but when you got home it was unflavoured yoghurt! Ha! (also nobody would pay for that anecdote. Don’t tell it, dude)

That’s one thing. Another problem with the show is that it doesn’t seem like it’s really heading towards any kind of conclusion. Most shows have an end point in sight: the world gets saved, the relationship happens, whatever tension there was gets resolved. But I don’t think that can really happen now, because any tension they create is really going to be on a series by series basis. Unless it’s Gallifrey. God I hope it’s not Gallifrey. There are only so many times we can have a whole damn planet turning up be the end of a series and it’s getting boring! How a planet appearing out of nowhere can be boring is astonishing to me, but it is. And the characterisation of the Time Lords is confusing at best in Nu Who, so let’s not even go there.

The point it, there’s no drama. The Doctor might die at the end of the series, but he’s just going to regenerate. What? An upper limit on the number of regenerations? Hahaha, not for this constantly white/male protagonist! (Mysterious how out of an infinite number of combinations the Doctor is always white, male, and conventionally attractive. At least in the reboot… hmm) And if a companion dies, well there’s always the gizmo that they left under their sofa! Or it was a dream! (By the way, “it was all a dream” is most used amongst the 8 year old authors. Possibly a hint that it’s not a good idea) Even Eastenders has more drama than that! Anyone can die! Eastenders!

So maybe what I’m not saying is that it must die right now. It just has to die one day so that new people can come along with amazing new stories and turn them into tv shows.