Recipe: Cauliflower Pizza (…)

Memoirs of a Music Student | A bit of this, a dash of that

You know those days where you suddenly realise you’ve bought too much cauliflower? (yeah, I know this is a very unlikely situation. Just roll with it, people!) What could you possibly do with all that cauliflower? Assuming you don’t just want to burn the cauliflower, here’s a great recipe for using up excess evil vegetables:

You will need:

1 large head of cauliflower
1 egg
Loads and loads of grated cheese (mozzarella or cheddar are my usual suspects)
A small tin of tomato (or a large one if you plan to freeze half of it. you nerd)
Some other toppings to disguise the hateful taste of cauliflower


1. Remove all the weird bits from the cauliflower. You know, the leaves, the stalks etc. Or whatever.

2. Grate the cauliflower. This could take a while, so make sure you allow plenty of time for existential crises on where the hell your life is going

3. Boil the cauliflower until its tender. If you like the taste of cauliflower, this step will be easy because you can just eat a small amount to test it. If not, it’s probably done after 10 minutes.

4. Drain it. Seriously, use a sieve.

5. Pour the pulpy vegetable into a tea towel (or a cheesecloth, depending on your level of fanciness) and use that to squeeze out the rest of the water. Yeah, this is really hard. But you have to do it! The fate of the world rests upon your ability to squeeze the maximum liquid out of the damn sodding cauliflower.

6. Continue with step 5 until your hands are really really painful.

7. Whisk an egg in a bowl and mix the cauliflower into the egg really thoroughly. The egg helps it all to bind together, presumably.

8. Line a baking tray with parchment or greaseproof paper (hint: tin foil is a bugger to get off the underside of a pizza, but that could just add to the fun later on???), and smooth the ‘dough’ onto the tray. Make sure to press it down firmly to be all smooth and whatnot. Make it as thin as you like, or don’t. Do whatever, dude, I can’t tell you what to do.

9. Bake in the preheated oven (at 200 degrees, CELCIUS!!! can’t stress that enough) for about 25 minutes or until it’s golden and crunchy. The crunchiness of the base is pretty critical, otherwise it goes all limp and weird.

10. In the meantime, prepare your tomato. I like to blend mine with a bit of garlic, but whatever floats your boat dude.

11. When the base is done, put the tomato, general toppings (and pesto in dribs), and grated cheese on the pizza. Bake again for about 5-10 minutes, until the cheese is melty and hopefully golden-crispy

12. Enjoy, if you can.



There’s something about travel that just sort of fascinates me. I know it probably sounds stupid, but to me the idea that you can be sitting in a car or on a train for two hours and end up somewhere really far away is sort of bewildering. I suppose it’s the fact that on a normal day I’d have spent those four or five hours sitting around on my arse at home, doing absolutely nothing of any value at all. And yet, on those travel days, you can end up at the other end of the country in the time that it would normally take me to decide whether or not I’m really enjoying a tv series. (ha, I joke. It takes me much longer than that to decide if I like a tv series)

Another part of it is the way that a very comparatively small part of travel is the part where you go the most distance, if that makes sense. So I’ll do something like four hours getting back to Egham from Yorkshire, and maybe it’ll take an hour to get to York station, and then probably at least an hour to get to Egham from London, and then another twenty minutes to wander along to where my house in Egham is, depending on how tired I’m feeling from all that travel. So that’s, what, three hours? Ish? Assuming I managed to catch the train without loitering pointlessly at the stations, and I always factor in loitering time. you know, for loo breaks, tea breaks, loo breaks again (Tea breaks occasionally wreak havoc on your journey plans), and then you miss the direct train from Waterloo so you have to wait half an hour for the next one… etc. Whereas the actual train from York to King’s Cross is generally two hours, and that’s a long old distance.



let’s just thank goodness none of us has to go all the way to Marlow by train because dear JAM that could take you all day.